LETTER TO THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS (by Babatunde Fagbayibo)

Posted: October 11, 2015 in Uncategorized

Dear Sir/Madame,

Warm greetings from rising Africa, the land of growing GDPs. I hope this letter met you well, if so, glory be to the African deities.

The primary motive of this letter is to awaken your publication to the glaring exclusion of some of the extraordinary, record breaking feats that have been achieved by good African politicians in the past few years.

Sir/Madame, it is well known that some African leaders are considered as the poster child for maladministration and bad behaviour. Your publication should, however, be less concerned with issues of morality and/or good governance, as such issues are within the operational realm of noisy NGOs, and nosey international organisations. In this respect, ethical issues should then not prevent your publication from acknowledging objectively sound achievements.

Sir/Madame, in light of the above, I, a true son of Africa, have taken it upon myself (expecting neither financial benefits nor fame) to bring to your attention African issues that should be featured in your future publication(s). These are:

  1. Amazing Grace, Grace of Africa, Jewel of Limpopo, Grace of Zimbabwe, Gucci Grace, Mother of the Revolution. I have prefaced this point with such glowing and effusive praise because her achievements are not one to be treated lightly. Doing otherwise could attract the wrath of our gods. Madame Dr Grace Mugabe, the first lady of Zimbabwe, did something incredible last year: she obtained a doctoral degree in 2 months! It took this genius, from registration to completion, only 60 days to write a thesis. The thesis is yet to be made public but the University of Zimbabwe did acknowledge this feat. End of story. If you ask me, I am in support of not releasing this thesis as it may contain important codes and algorithms for moving Africa forward, and as such, should not be exposed to imperialists and western hegemonic influences. In addition, it is our pride on this continent, and should be safely kept in the Chinese built and donated African Union Secretariat in Addis Ababa.
  2. Recently, our man in Kigali, President Paul Kagame, like many of his contemporaries, through proxies, put forward the idea of constitutionally elongating his term of office. In line with the constitutional prescription, the idea was put before the people for their acceptance or rejection. 3.7 million Rwandans overwhelmingly said yes to this extraordinary, divine individual. And here is the world record: only 10 people in the entire country said no. If you ask me, these 10 folks are the real enemies of not only Rwanda but Africa as a whole. How dare they oppose a man who has literally given us Africans a peek of heaven on earth?
  3. Our main man in The Gambia, His Excellency Sheikh Professor Alhaji Dr Yahya AJJ Jammeh Babili Mansa (Conqueror of Rivers) is one that deserves a special page in your publication. He is no ordinary president. Unlike other presidents in the world (even the ones with medical degrees), President Jammeh is blessed with miraculous powers to cure Aids and infertility (in women). There are sceptics who have made it a mission to deny this worthy son of Africa the possibility of bagging a Nobel Prize for Chemistry. These are enemies of progress. Afro-pessimists! If they require any evidence, they should catch the next flight to Banjul and hear the stories of people in The Gambia who can attest to his power of healing. End of story.

I have only outlined these 3 examples to show the need for more in-depth research on African achievements. There are still many undiscovered, under-reported feats, especially amongst our tireless political elites, which I implore your publication to give serious attention.

I look forward to the positive acknowledgement of my communication.

Kind regards,
Babatunde wa Afrika,
Province of Azania
United States of Afrika.

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Comments
  1. isidada says:

    I had a good laugh reading through this. Oyinbos of the Guinness record please pay godly attention, so the gods referred to by this blogger won’t pay you a visit.

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